Buffalo Sabres fans, I hate to see you suffer.
You’re a passionate bunch, wearing your hearts on your sleeves and displaying a commitment to your team that is enviable, especially to players suffering in hockey hell (South Florida, to you and me).
I know how deeply many of you felt the sting of last year’s 21-21-6 campaign, and I was cursing just as loudly as many of you were on draft day when the Sabres chose to pass up on exciting offensive talent not once, but twice. Your suffering pains me to see . . . but even worse are the fans who have suffered so deeply that they have buried themselves in a world of delusional fantasies in which the Buffalo Sabres actually had a successful first round in the 2013 NHL Draft! That level of suffering is just too much for me to bear witness to, and it is for that very reason that I have created this, The Unofficial But So- Good-It-Ought-To-Be-Official Buffalo Sabres Fan Survival Guide.
These are trying times, my friends, what with free agency set to begin on July 5th and all of the rumors, contract offers, trades and near-trades that go along with that frenzy, so it is absolutely imperative that you take a few minutes and read through this. This guide is all that stands between you, and giving up all hope and becoming a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. Let’s do this!
(Please note: readers who lost their sense of humor during “an incident” should probably stop reading after this period and the accompanying closing paranthesis.)