The Buffalo Sabres
Well, Buffalo Sabres fans: the big day is almost here.
At midnight on August 16, 2016, Hobey Baker Award-winner Jimmy Vesey will officially become a free agent. After months of fruitless speculation on where he will go, and which teams he will spurn (besides the Nashville Predators, that is – they’ve already tasted the burn of Jimmy Vesey), Vesey will be free to talk to any NHL team he wants. Since money is not an issue – Vesey can only be signed to an entry-level contract, which maxes out at $925,000 – pretty much every team in the league that is looking for cheap, young and (hopefully) good young talent will be trying to convince Vesey’s camp that he needs to play for (insert your favorite team name here).
Of course, the Sabres own Vesey’s rights until August 15 comes to an end, so if you are a Sabres fan who wants to see Vesey skate alongside Jack Eichel and Sam Reinhart, cross your fingers and hope the Sabres can convince Vesey to sign before the midnight hour.
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If that doesn’t happen, though, we here at Sabre Noise encourage you to participate in the official Jimmy Vesey Drinking Game! It will either help you pass the time, or will convince you to pay no attention to the insane amount of attention this untested player is sure to get right up until the moment he announces his decision. Confused? Check out the rules of the game – you’ll see what I mean.
**Disclaimer: this is intended as satire, and as I don’t want anyone suing my ass, I’ll repeat that: this is intended as satire! Do not do this at home. Or in public. Or anywhere, for that matter.
Rules:
1. Give yourself one point for reading this post to begin with.
2. Give yourself two points for every time, in the past two months, you have left a comment on a website about Jimmy Vesey.
3. Give yourself two points for every time, in the past two months, you have commented on social media about Jimmy Vesey.
4. Subtract one point if, at any time in the past two months, you have either said, typed or even thought, “F*** Jimmy Vesey.”
5. Give yourself two points for every time you have done a search (on Google, on Twitter, etc.) for “Jimmy Vesey.”
6. Give yourself one point for every time you read the phrase “Jimmy wanted to go to free agency all along.”
7. Give yourself one point for every “Here’s Why Team ______ Should Talk To Jimmy Vesey” post you read right up until Vesey signs.
8. Give yourself one point for every time you read the phrase “Jimmy’s a good kid.”
9. Subtract two points if you throw up at the phrase “Jimmy’s a good kid.”
10. Give yourself one point for every time you hear “According to a source” in regards to Jimmy Vesey.
11. Subtract one point for every time you have either said, typed or like the comment, “Jimmy Vesey has not even proved a damn thing yet.”
12. Subtract two points if you laughed at any time during this post.
13. Multiply your total by nineteen. That is the number of consecutive hours you must drink if you choose to play this stupid game.
Well, Buffalo Sabres fans – there you have it: the official Jimmy Vesey Drinking Game. If that doesn’t make you want just cut yourself off from the world until word finally gets around to you about where Vesey will play in 2016-17, then I don’t know what will!