Five Ridiculous NHL Predictions Guaranteed to Come True!

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An NHL Player Will Die During a Game, and the NHL Still Won’t Ban Fighting

The writing is on the wall, folks: today’s NHL players are bigger and faster than ever, and thanks to the NHL’s laughable attempts to “discipline” players

Sep 22, 2013; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Toronto Maple Leafs forward

Phil Kessel

(81) skates away from Buffalo Sabres forward

Brian Flynn

(65) after a fight during the third period at the Air Canada Centre. Toronto defeated Buffalo 5-3. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

such as Phil “The Lumberjack” Kessel, these players now carry weapons of mass concussion every time they take the ice.  Big guy coming to take you down?  Show him your best Game of Thrones impersonation!   Then, wait until he’s distracted by your teammates, and spear him!  Squeal, pig!

Between the dangerous cross-checking, body-launching head shots, and being given the greenlight to wield your stick as a Light Saber, the NHL is set to become gladiators on ice.  A friend of mine at work (shhhh-he’s a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, and he’s likable!) said it best: “It’s going to take somebody getting killed.”  I would posit even that won’t be enough!  You’re all going to see soon enough, though, so there’s no sense in debating it now.